i feel weird

Cant explain it. The pain lessens, but you are still always with me. Everything I see, everything I do, I want to tell you about it. I want to show you. I want you to laugh and smile with me when I smile. I want you to comfort me. I want to feel safe in your love. I know it can't happen. ever. never again. Things keep on getting more complicated. Can we come out the other end of this okay? Unscathed? Friends and family who don't know what's going on can tell I'm different now. I have no desire to talk to anyone. I don't want to play piano or guitar or sing. I don't want to go running or watch TV. I don't want to feel anything anymore. I'm done with sadness, and I'm done with emotion. I don't even want to get out of bed. I don't feel connected to anything anymore. Just going through the motions, doing what I'm supposed to do, fulfilling my responsibilities, trying to find the empty feeling again that allows me to continue breathing. As long as I can find it again, I'll survive. I sit in my paralyzed condition, waiting for the end.