best friend

I saw something from over a year ago that got me remembering a lot of stuff. About the way things used to be... I remember how I looked forward to talking to you every week. How you made me laugh and smile, and how we talked about silly fun stuff. Nerdy video games, SciFi, and conspiracy. We wrote each other stories. You were always a knight to the rescue in my stories. I was always a damsel turned heroine in yours. You always built me up and I found value in myself for the first time in my life because of your kind words. Before everything got complicated, you were a good friend. More than just someone I would eventually fall in love with, you were my best friend. I miss my bestie so much. 

I sit here everyday not knowing what to do with myself. I go run, I clean the house, I play games with the kids, I play volleyball, I go to work... but I can't talk to you, and there's an empty spot where you used to be. I keep going through the motions, but its like there is nothing to look forward to. I used to look forward to talking to you, and the next time I'd see you. I wanted to look forward to more - to you being in my life, going on vacation together, grocery shopping, planting a garden together, playing those nerdy video games together, discovering everything there is to know about each other, snuggling, and kissing you when you get home from work. But instead, there's nothing. I can't fill the empty spot. What should someone look forward to when the love of their life is gone? 

But I don't want to be sad, so I'll just remember all the nice things and the sweet things and the happy things for now... until I can find a way to fill the empty place where my best friend used to be.