want

Everyone asks me what I want. I try not to think about it, because it doesn't matter.

There is what I should and should not do. There is responsibility and obligation and doing what's right.

But since everyone keeps asking, just this once I will answer:

        First of all, I just want to be happy. But if we are talking about dreaming big, my dreams aren't too big. They are pretty simple. I want a nice but moderate house. Not too big. Maybe even a bit small, but well taken care of, well made, and nicely decorated. I want this house on a decent amount of land - 10 acres minimum. I'd like 20 or 100acres, but that's not realistic... but hey, if this is my dream, then 100 it is! I want trees. lots of big tall trees. Maybe the land is wooded, but it wouldn't have to be, just have trees. I want a garden. I want to grow my own food. I want to work on the land with my husband. I want my husband to enjoy doing this with me. Maybe my husband in this story could even hunt and bring home dinner some days. I'm actually not much of a country girl. I'm a city girl who wants the quiet of the country. I want a place where my kids can go outside and run and play in the dirt and explore. Not next to a bunch of busy roads. Safe, and quiet. When I think about work, my mind keeps thinking of long hard days, but I keep forgetting this is MY dream. I can do what I want. Maybe I work only 6-8 hours, 3 days per week. I'll wake up early to make sure my husband has his coffee and breakfast. I'll kiss him good bye. I want my husband to miss me when we're apart. I want to take care of him, and he will take care of me. The days I have off will be spent in the garden, and running, and ministry. When I go to work, I want to be home before or at the same time as him. I'll pick some vegetables from the garden. We'll make dinner together, spend time together. Smile together. Every evening ending the same: kisses and snuggles and love. On weekends, I want to work out together in the morning. A Saturday morning run. Maybe we'll make a trail on our land. In the afternoon, I want to have plans on Saturdays. Have fun, go out to do something, or invite people over. Sundays, go to "church" in the mornings. Hold hands during prayer. Sing together. Be lazy together in the afternoon. Work in the yard/land. Sunday nights, watch our favorite TV show, then go to bed, wrapped up in love and feeling safe and warm.

But to have any part of this... That's all too much to ask I guess.